CRACK VAN (R - Stolen)

Governor enjoyed rock-star ride on visit
But deluxe van was 'stolen' in mix-up
By Jake Grovum and Rachel E. Stassen-Berger
Pioneer Press
Article Last Updated: 08/28/2008 12:27:47 AM CDT

Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty spent Sunday riding around Pennsylvania in a stolen van.

The theft was inadvertent; his Keystone State driver was told to pick up the keys to the vehicle in which he was to shepherd the governor at the Holiday Inn in Allentown, Pa.

"He did exactly what he was told, except it was the wrong Holiday Inn and the wrong van," said Pawlenty, who campaigned through Pennsylvania for presumptive Republican presidential nominee John McCain on Saturday and Sunday.

The van the driver picked up was a tricked-out touring vehicle, complete with an LCD video screen, an Xbox and video games and an iPod-ready, six-speaker stereo system.

According to Bandago van rental company owner Sharky Laguana, the band Everclear, on its way to Denver for the Democratic National Convention, had dropped off the van at the Allentown Holiday Inn about 6 a.m. Sunday and left the keys at the front desk for a Bandago employee to pick up about 9 a.m.

But about 8 a.m., Pawlenty's driver arrived at the Holiday Inn to pick up the keys. Because there was only one set of keys at the hotel's front desk, the driver and the hotel clerk assumed they were to the vehicle intended for Pawlenty's travels.

So, when the Bandago employee went to retrieve the vehicle, "sheer panic and terror" ensued, Laguana said.

Laguana called police and reported the van stolen and talked to Everclear's business manager and tour manager about their responsibility. Technically, Laguana said, since the rental company never retrieved the van after the band used it, the band was liable.

Meanwhile, Laguana was trying to figure out what happened.

"That is the most amazing criminal heist that anyone has ever done," he said he was thinking. "The conclusion I came to was it's an inside job."

Pawlenty said that he was also thinking something was a bit off. After being picked up at the Holiday Inn where he was staying, the governor questioned the driver.

"He said, 'I don't know, they just asked me to pick up this van.' And the strange thing is we were driving out of the parking lot of the correct Holiday Inn and the car we were supposed to be in and had used the previous day (with a different driver) was in the parking lot, and so I said, 'Why aren't we taking that car because it's sitting right there.' And he said, 'I don't know,' " Pawlenty said Wednesday.

The driver thought it odd that there were beer cans in the van when he picked it up.

http://www.twincities.com/rnc/ci_10320679

DNC

Tonight was the All Star Game to tomorrow night's Super Bowl. Hillary, Bill, Kerry, Richardson, and Biden all delivered huge speeches, the first time outside of Olbermann and Stewart that I've seen Big Timers take open shots at BushCo out loud. Good stuff.

I was downtown for a gig on Monday, and I must say that you there conventioners can give us our town back any damn day now. Bizarro Denver is full of out-of-towners wandering our streets and navigating around barrier checkpoints on $2-per-block pedicabs*.

* One pedaler I spoke to while waiting for the non-existent Mall Shuttle to arrive and subsequent Brute Squad to pass said he was averaging a thousand dollars a day and had already purchased a 10-day vacation to Japan after the convention leaves. Nice.

If you're reading this and you're at the DNC and have never been here before*, please come back again some other time and see how this place really is without the riot gear and the barricades and the rental humans.

* and please, if you see Cyndi Lauper and her publicist wandering aimlessly around 15th and Oblivion, kindly point them back toward civilization. Thanks.

Grandpa's Apparently Been Napping Since 1989...

"My friends, we have reached a crisis, the first probably serious crisis internationally since the end of the Cold War. This is an act of aggression."

- - John McCain, speaking in Aspen last night about the Russia / Georgia situation on CNN

Luckily we've had nothing to discuss politically or internationally in the last 18 or 19 years - your local high school senior has known a lifetime of complete peace and innocence.

At least now we know - Gramps wants some old-school Reagan fun, where you shift troop icons around the board and talk smack and never actually do anything out loud but scare everyone shitless, all the while sending sneakies all over the map without telling that pesky congress about it. Those were the days.

Its a good time to be Vlad Putin, or Israel, or China, or North Korea, or any garden variety nutcase. Putin's trek into Georgia has demonstrated to the world what it already knew - that the US is too spread thin to be the world's cop. Its that part of the movie where Superman becomes mortal - its time to kick some ass and do whatever they want.

We won the cold war because the Soviet Union wasn't as militarily or economically strong as they said or thought. Now Russia has lots of toys, lots of your-enemy-is-my-enemy friends, and a lot of oil money to buy more toys and more friends. We have a strained military, massive debts (to many of those same countries who don't like us), a shattered economy (especially when compared to the buying power of Europe right now), and a complete lack of sound leadership.

Attention world: the Bat Signal will go unanswered from here out.