The Real Headline

Former Operative, First Enlisted In 1959 As A Member Of A Failed Six-Man CIA Squad To Assassinate Iraqi Prime Minister Abd Al-Karim Qasid, Trained In Beirut By The CIA To Head The Baath Party Coup That Eventually Killed Qasid In 1963, Facilitator Of American Efforts To Relieve Threats To America By The Iranian Ayahtollah In The 80s, And Now No Longer Useful To Us, Sentenced To Death Overnight In A Postponed Ceremony Timed To Influence Sunday Morning Political Discourse Two Days Before A Critical Midterm Election

BAGHDAD - Saddam Hussein, whose trial for crimes against humanity adjourned three weeks ago, was officially sentenced to death by hanging early this morning by a tribunal headquartered in Iraq.

Hussein, who lost favor in the eyes of his American employers in the early 90s by straying from US wishes and invading the neigbor country of Kuwait, will be martyred later this year in an event that will potentially spark the greatest scale civil war seen in the Mesopotamian region in 1000 years.


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The Glass Is Half Fucked

I can't even pretend to get optimistic about the midterm election this week. The hype for a Dem takeover looms large, and yet I can't shake the fear that the actual vote won't be reflected on the scoreboard...

Why worry about campaining and affecting people and enciting turnout when all you have to do is fix the numbers? This may be the election where Diebold finally goes balls to the wall and eliminates that pesky margin for error once and for all.

I'll believe it when I see it.

Get yourself out there Tuesday and at least make the corruption effort more complicated for them.

Default Settings

There's something to be said about being so adamant about something that you're willing to make things infinitely worse to stick to your initial principle.

Unfortunately, those things can't be printed publically.


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I don't like Snow Patrol.

However, everytime I hear a new song, think its someone else, kinda get into it, and decide I like the song, it turns out to be Snow Patrol.

I guess I like Snow Patrol.


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I bashed the abysmal Oakland Raiders just long enough to jinx my Steelers against them. Crap.

Global Instructions

Apparently the world's owner's manual is a Wombat.

Cutters and runners.. hmm..

Tubby McDruggypants is labelling Rebublican voters who don't vote 100% party line as "cut-and-runners."

Leave it to the bloated addict to whip out the drug terminology.

It probably went something like this...

Deep within a swampy undisclosed location..

Luthor: Like the new place?

Cheetah Yes yes, very nice.

Grundy: Okay, so we at $1.75. What's the goal here?

Bizarro: $8.50!

Scarecrow: hush.

Grodd: $2.20 would be comfortable.

Luthor: This would be a lot easier if I could just run things.

Sinestro: Quiet. You know the plan.

Grundy: I don't get it.

Sinestro: That's a stunner.

Luthor: SILENCE! Braniac, how do we get to $2.20 a gallon?

Braniac: It's the most devious plan ever!

Giganta: Get on with it.

Braniac: We blame the world producers for low output all summer, jack prices to $3.00 and beyond, then bring them back down to $2.20 around the elections!

Toyman: And take the credit for it! AHAHAHAAAA!

Cheetah: Brilliant!

Captain Cold: Chilling!

Luthor: Lame!

Captain Cold: Go shoot someone in the face!

Grundy: I don't get it.

Sinestro: That's why you're the president.